i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
