I will die if light touches me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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