Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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