it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
