My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
