If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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