Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
