Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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