Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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