Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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