I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
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I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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