y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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