I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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