By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
