So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
