What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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