We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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