I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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