I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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