my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
not ubering you a puppy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
