he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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