We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
