Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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