Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
