Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize