i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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