Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
