I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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