i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
