I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
