Pregnant stripper...not hot.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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