She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
