Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
