he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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