i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
