yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
