She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
