Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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