I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
