so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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