I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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