So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
