well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
