The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
