Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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