I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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