PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
NoShamevember. You game?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize