I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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