I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
