Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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