It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
