I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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