last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
