I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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