I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
