He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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