I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
