i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
