Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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