So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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