it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You are the jesus of drinking
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
