I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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