What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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