Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
