when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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