I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
