I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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