Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Even my vagina gasped.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
