Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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