nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Boobs speak an international language.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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