I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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