I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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