shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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