How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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